5 Tips to Help You Form Healthy Boundaries

Good morning, babes & welcome back!

I figured while you’re sipping your morning coffee today, you could read about a topic that has affected all of us at some point or another.

Drum roll please—Boundaries!

Not just any boundaries but healthy boundaries. Forming healthy boundaries can seem a little intimidating but I’ve learned that without them we cannot thrive in any relationship or environment.

I’m in no way an expert at healthy boundaries. I would venture out to say that I didn’t grow up in a household with healthy boundaries and my lack of boundaries has definitely gotten me into some not so pleasant situations in the past.

In my journey to learn more about healthy boundaries and implement them into my life, I have five tips that I want to share that have helped me!

1. Decide what your core values are.

This should be done first and foremost. This will be the building block that every boundary you create will be built upon. What matters most to you? Do you enjoy sharing your deepest emotions with coworkers? Do you separate your professional and personal life completely or just parts of it? These are factors that you need to figure out for yourself. For me, each relationship is different. I keep my circle very tight. I have some relationships that are strong and loving, those people get the most genuine and vulnerable me. To those people, I’m a completely open book. I have strong professional relationships as well. Those people get my generous and kind side and so on. Every person in your life will require a different boundary of sorts.

2. Evaluate your current relationships.

I’m assuming that you have at least one relationship without healthy boundaries. It is a really easy trap to fall into. So, no judgement here! Been there, done that! Acknowledging those missing boundaries is half the battle. If you have made it that far, great job! Now, you should really evaluate that relationship. What makes it work? What makes it worthwhile? Who is the other person? Find out why there is something missing.

Sometimes, this can be a lack of respect. If the other party is continuously allowed to walk all over you, intentionally or not, they may form a lack of respect for you. They might not even realize that they have formed that. Inversely, you may start to resent that person. Another scenario could be, they are always asking for your time. If you are saying “yes” to all of these favors and tasks, this can start causing a sense of overwhelm in your own life. Making you want to distance yourself from that person. Each scenario is going to be unique to the next but, what is important is, you take control of your relationships which in turn means you’re taking control of your life.

3. Plan your course of action.

Now that you have established your core values and evaluated your relationships that don’t have healthy boundaries, it is time to make a plan. Sometimes this could be scheduling a call with that person or planning a coffee date. All that matters is managing to find a good time for the both of you to have an honest conversation. This conversation needs to be raw and kindly honest. Trying to beat around the bush or sugar coat your healthy boundaries is an easy way for them to get misunderstood. Now is the time to just say what you need to. An example of this:

“Bob Ross, I love you but, you have to start respecting my time. I feel that you ask a lot more of me then I am comfortable with.”

Be honest and straight to the point. If this is a relationship that you cherish, then respect the other party enough to be vulnerable and set your healthy boundaries.

I’m completely aware that this conversation is easier said than done. Some people can be so used to gaslighting you and getting their way, making a conversation like this, uncomfortable. You must understand that if the person sitting across from you is not open to having an honest conversation to better the relationship, that is not a poor reflection on you. Remember that you cannot run a race with someone who is sitting down on the ground while you’re trying to sprint, it’s actually impossible and you might pull a muscle!

4. Make your boundaries known from the beginning.
This tip is more for your future relationships or newly formed ones. Just because because you didn’t practice healthy boundaries in the past, doesn’t mean you can’t in your future relationships. The best way to show someone what you want out of a relationship is to make your boundaries known straight out of the gate. Don’t try to “wait and see if it changes.” I guarantee you, that will not happen. The longer you let someone treat you poorly, the harder it will be for the boundary to stick.

5. Maintain your healthy boundaries.
Slipping back into old habits is very easy. Everyone who has ever tried to quit a bad habit will tell you this. People will cross boundaries! It happens all the time and I am sure we have all done it ourselves. The important part is knowing they exist and continuing to respect them. Be forgiving when someone is crossing that line but, don’t allow yourself to completely get taken advantage of.

I hope these tips can be helpful to you as you try to set boundaries in your own life.

I would love to know any other tips you all might have on setting healthy boundaries, so comment bellow!

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